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Written 9/8/2021
When I see her, she sometimes has wings - but they are heavy and push her shoulders forward. Her large eyes, the colour of an evergreen forest, bore deep impressions beneath their weight. When she is full - her body sustained - her belly, rounded, shows off its new possession. I don't know what to think of her in all her naked vulnerability; Where youth and hunger once masked her flaws, now life and nourishment chip away at the facade. Written 27/7/2021
I called the wind and it found me, Whispered softness in my mind I asked it to stay and ground me But it soon left me behind I begged the water to love me I caught a current out to sea But a wave crashed from above me. It just wasn't meant to be I told the moon to follow To cast a shadow always near But her promises were hollow And every month, she'd disappear I asked the earth to hold me To keep my roots planted strong And with her deep brown eyes she told me I had been with her all along Written 2010
I miss you like hell, and you're not gonna tell me That was a long time ago. Cause I still feel the same, and I'm not gonna quell the pain - Let it overflow. But when I've eased my mind and it's been one year's time I'll be fine, but how about you? You'll be searching your soul, cause it's never been whole From the grieving that you never knew. Written 6/7/2021
Love come down And show me where you've been It's been too long And I haven't caught your scent Because you sleep in the shadows, In my dreams, in the wind But I've been held down By a voice in my head Peace come back And show me where you hide It's been so many years since I felt you inside Because your form is so soft It's like mist, hard to hold And my mind gets so tired And that voice is so cold Grief, come here, And show yourself to me You've been swimming through my veins And it's time to set you free Yes it hurts, yes I know I can hear you all day But you're blocking my path And you've outgrown your stay Written 14/2/2020
I know you're gonna leave me It's just a matter of time I could just enjoy the moment And savour while you're mine But every day gets closer To the end of the line I know you're gonna leave me It's just a matter of time I know I'll be alone By about this time next year You can see how tough I am Hiding every single tear I could love you for a lifetime Instead of striking out in fear But I know I'll be alone By about this time next year The monsters sit beside me And call to me by name They wrap themselves around me And drown me in my shame Your love lights up the darkness And helps me ease my pain But they stare through my reflection And I hear them call my name Love is not a cure But it helps soften the blow And I begin to mirror All the courage that you show Perhaps there is a future If I allow myself to grow No, love is not a cure But please teach me what you know Written 31/1/2020
You held me in your gaze And you told me that you'd love me in so many ways But when I showed you my saddest pats You left me torn open with an unguarded heart So why waste my time? Did you think that your bullshit Would one day become mine? And we'd share in your spineless ways Fighting fake monsters for the rest of our days? [Chorus] My pain won't transmit So you can stop acting like you'll catch my shit And get off your damn throne You've got work to do on your own It's been twenty-odd years Since you told me you were safe and then reduced me to tears Because I showed you my broken wing And that prompted your defenses and made me feel your sting But why turn on me? Did I expose a side that you were too scared to see In your own hungry soul Now you avoid the very thing that will make you whole? [Chorus] Written 9 March 2019
I have loved you Since the moment of your being: When you sang into life; When your dance was joy. And then when the world fell around you; When the ground trembled from your pain. I held you when there was still softness to be held. I watched as your eyes hardened Your teeth sharpened Your fingers bent into claws And you wailed for the world to end. And I love you still, Even as you hold me in your hateful gaze Waiting for the mirror to shatter. And it never will. Written 16 June 2019/Finished 21 August 2019
When it’s dark inside And you feel your way along the shadows When it hurts inside And you’re drowning in the shallows Oh when there’s no one Who could ever slow your tears When you’d give anything To make your island disappear Just close your eyes now And feel your heartbeat You’re alive now You’re electricity [Chorus] I know You’ve been waiting For your light To shine again Searching For some feeling While the current Flows through your hands When you’re reaching out For the girl who you remember But she’s crumbling Like dead leaves in September Oh when you’re hungry But you cannot fill the need She’s the garden All you needed was a seed So close your eyes now And feel your heartbeat You’re alive now You’re electricity [Chorus 2] I know You’re still waiting For your light To shine again But you are Illuminating Cause the current Flows through your hands Cause the current Flows through your hands… You are electricity You are electricity Seems that I have been held in some dreaming state
A tourist in a waking world, never quite awake No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber Until I realized that it was you who held me under --Florence + The Machine First written 26/5/15 Is it common to remember one’s childhood with vivid colour? From pitch black to fluorescent pink? Is it strange that my body is no longer the same body – every cell is a descendant of my former self, many generations down the line – yet I can still feel that child’s cold liquid adrenaline seeping through her veins; the seizing of her intestines; the furious thunder of her heart? The pulsing agony in her head and the twisting of her stomach? If I close my eyes, I can still count my ribs in the mirror. Yet these are new eyes – eyes that never took in light those many years ago. A stranger once told me not to let the past define me. Perhaps I should be reborn every second. I could let go of each new memory as it is created. But what about the smell of dry leaves in the autumn? The spin of the tire swing in the back yard? Playing “ghosts in the graveyard” on that quiet street with other giggling children? Us four girls making up a ridiculous song with four-part harmony? Without my childhood, I am merely a ghost. |
OwlCatThese are my ranty ranties, poems, songs and creative writings about politics, philosophy, morality, and everything else. Archives
March 2020
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